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We have all been Ibiza virgins at one point so made the mistakes you are about to make. Worry not, though, we have so that you don't have to. Having been an Ibiza virgin myself at one stage, I share my top tips for essentials when coming to Ibiza for the first time.
You've saved for months for your big summer blowout and the countdown is finally over. There is a LOT to do on such a small island so if you haven't got an Ibiza veteran there to walk you through the basics it can be slightly overwhelming. That's where we come in.
So far, the only place that you have seen Ibiza's super-clubs such as Hï Ibiza, Amnesia, Eden, Pacha, Privilege and Ushuaïa is all over your social media but here we go.
Now all your expectations of Ibiza are about to be exceeded. Now it will be you getting a snap outside the famous Ibiza venues and landmarks, as you're about to officially lose your Ibiza virginity - hurray!
Some of these you can purchase, while for others you need to prepare mentally ahead of time. Here's what you will need.
1. COMFORTABLE SHOES
Whether you're raving until sunrise, with super-clubs closing at 7:00 or going back to back from a day party such as The Zoo Project directly, let's say, to Toolroom in the evening, you'll definitely need a good pair of comfortable dancing shoes.
Of course, you can bring a nice pair of wedges with you for O Beach Ibiza, but aside from that, this is far from ideal. There's nothing worse than a rigid raver so if you want to show us your best moves then you're going to have to nurse your toes and put on some Converse.
2. ENERGY
Right, here is a very common mistake made by all ravers. When you're deep in the mist of ice cannons all night, looking down at your watch at 7:00 can be a bit of a shock and makes it very easy to spend all of the next day (or two) in bed. When you then wake up at 16:00 the next day and realize the day is gone, you're sure to be feeling regretful.
Take advantage of your holiday. Ibiza is oozing with history so make that extra effort to get out of bed and explore even during the day. The island is full of hidden gems.
Venture out to Ibiza Town where you'll find a huge variety of funky bars, world-class restaurants and boutique shops all nestled amongst the traditional Ibizan buildings. Bora Bora beach is also a must - beautiful and well worth the visit.
Hop on a water boat from the harbour of San Antonio to take a trip across the crystal-clear waters to some scenic, sandy beaches at cheap prices. While you're att it, add Cala Bassa to your beach bucket list as well. Nurse your hangover the right way.
3. THE PARTY FAN
The party fan is the classic Ibiza clubbing keep-safe. There's nothing worse than being sticky and sweaty when you're trying to enjoy yourself, so make room for a fan in your suitcase or put this at the top of your to-do list and purchase one when you land.
With the super-clubs getting quite heated, especially if you are dancing it out, it's fine to be kind and lend your fan to a begging partier with sunglasses on who looks like he's just come out of the shower. Do make sure to get it back because fan thieves are bad news for your sweaty upper lip.
4. FUNKY WARDROBE
You're on holiday - so dress it! You do not need to overpack. All you will need is a small selection of summer clothes since most of the time you will be overheating down the promenade of San Antonio in just your bikini.
As for nightwear, dressing up in sexy, sparkly unique garments have become a statement at some of the island's biggest parties. Why not get the squad to bring some ridiculous fancy dress costumes that make the party just that bit more entertaining?
Our flat currently contains a green curly wig that was found on the floor outside Amnesia after elrow. It was passed around the disco bus and made for many stupid snaps. If you see a bald Oompa Loompa lurking the streets then you know why!
If you're going to Pacha, Hï Ibiza, Pikes or anywhere VIP-oriented in Ibiza, dress nicely. For men, it's advisable not to wear shorts. It's nice to make an effort sometimes.
5. ARE YOU ON A BUDGET?
Ibiza can be as cheap or expensive as you make it. For those on a budget, head to a free party where all you have to think about is drinks prices.
Try Café Mambo and listen to some of the worlds most famous DJs for free. If you want to save even more precious euros then grab a few tinnies on your way down and sit out front and enjoy the sunset on the beach with great tunes in the background.
You can spend a fortune on taxis from San Anontio to Playa D'en Bossa on a nightly basis if you wish, but why do that when you can get a bus from the terminus to the club for € 3-4?
Ibiza's disco buses are both a godsend but quite the adventure. Prepare yourself to be packed with a bunch of rowdy party-goers in what seems like a lifetime of a ride to or from the club. It's all part of the fun, though. Besides having saved tons of money, you will have met some great people from all over the world on these wild journeys. Also, what happens on the disco bus stays on the disco bus.
6. PRE DRINKING
Drinking ahead of the event will save you much more money in Ibiza than it will at home. The supermarkets are surprisingly cheap here. Even though Rushkinoff may taste like it's been digested by a horse, it gets you in the state to dance.
This way, you won't be paying through the nose for drinks in the major clubs with a single vodka and mixer costing up to € 15-20.
Don't over-do it, however. If you're heading to the West End and come across the € 5 bargain known as a "sketamine cocktail," be careful.
This lethal concoction is a worker's favourite. It may be fine for a messy night on the West End, but if you're heading to the big clubs you don't want to be "that guy 'falling into someone when they'
Sketamine? More like regretamine, bringing us to my next point.
7. STAY HYDRATED AND HEALTHY
It's difficult not to get overexcited and overdo it at the start, leaving us with our head down the toilet for the remainder of the time - or worse yet in a hospital with something or other after hooligan behaviour on the first night. Everything your parents told you not to do, you did.
As excited as you are to set foot on the famous party capital, it's important to stay sane and be sensible-ish.
Even though it sounds like common sense, it's essential to drink lots of water to keep hydrated and remember to eat. You will run out of steam if you think you can last a three-day bender on nothing but a packet of crisps. Luckily, in Ibiza, there is an abundance of places that can help you on the road to recovery.
Visit The Skinny Kitchen in San Antonio, where you can enjoy low-carb, high protein meals that will leave you feeling rejuvenated - much better than that greasy fry up!
Finally, try to occasionally get yourself home before sunrise and get some sleep. Although this may seem boring, it is essential if you're in it for the long run. Taking a disco nap can sometimes feel like you're missing out on something, but trust me, a quick nap can make all the difference when your friends are ready for the next bender.
So there you have it. These are my essentials for a first-timer on Ibiza. No matter what, you'll have a blast. That's for sure. It's also good, though, to be prepared.